We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
