I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
