I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I pour the whiskey from now on
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize