i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
