Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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