We won't sleep together?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Buhtt sex?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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