Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
