Christians are straight up FREAKS
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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