My first STD was from a foam party
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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