Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize