You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
