Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
