Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
