there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Less talking, more tequila
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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