How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
