You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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