Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
