Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
