Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize