A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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