what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
