I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
