i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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