dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
