So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In other news, I just burned my penis
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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