the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
