my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
