Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize