So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
