Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I seem to have left my pride at pride
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
