Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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