I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
