Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
