Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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