Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i think im in europe. pls send help
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
