so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
