So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
