My liver just broke up with me...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
