If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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