What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
