Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
