remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize