You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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