I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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