Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
