Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
do herpes really smell.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
