this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
