I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
