it wasn't lemon gatorade
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize