Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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