So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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