this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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