My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
