wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
