Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
