she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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