she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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