Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
