I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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