I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
