I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Panties = found
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