Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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