i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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