I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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