He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
