Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
And then he peed in my hair
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