I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
