I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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