Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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