where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
