youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
