this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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