I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
