I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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