Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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