I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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