YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
