Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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