ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize