why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize