Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
