So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
