I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
