i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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