When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize