So drunk its hurt
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
