So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I will pee on everything he values.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
