You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
