I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
