it hurts more in the daytime
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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