when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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