Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
