Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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