she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize