This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
