Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
