and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
