things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
