just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
