we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
