Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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