Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and she was petting her beer can
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
