I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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