So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
