Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
