i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
