3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
