You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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