Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
