He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
