You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
