Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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