I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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