chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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