I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize