I think i sorta joined a cult last night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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