I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
