I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
